I've long known that I am a person who lacks discipline. However, there are certain occasions that make this beyond evident. Sometimes, these piercing moments are painful (like when I was informed I hadn't mailed a birthday card to someone in four years), sometimes they're depressing (like when I thought I was eating healthy and being fairly active, but then I step on the scale and realize, nope, still haven't changed those habits for realsies), and sometimes they're just comical. This last one is certainly the most preferred option. A month or two ago a friend encouraged me to post on my blog and to be interesting again. Then again, a few days ago, another friend reminded me that I've had my blog URL as my gchat message, but haven't updated my blog in a year. Hah! Oopsies... I guess some things just fall through the cracks!
Now, certainly my temptation is to beat myself over the head each time I lack the discipline that I desire, whether it's to remember to actually MAIL the cards that I've bought, to stay strong eating healthy and exercising, or blogging. I know that my discipline is ultimately a matter of worship. God says, "For I have not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but one of power, love, and self control." 2 Timothy 1:7. This is one of the verses I've ever been disciplined enough (hah!) to memorize. And I know that if I truly love someone and have self control, I will remember to send them a birthday card. I know that God tells me "you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:20. So, I know that I can't treat my body however I feel like, I need to actually feed it well (whether that means fewer fats and carbs and more fruits and veggies, or whether that means going full-on paleo, who knows!) and exercise. My body doesn't belong to me! Jesus paid for my body, along with the rest of me, when he took my sins upon himself on the cross, died to pay the price I deserved to pay by absorbing God's wrath, and then was raised from the dead, signifying the completion of God pouring out his wrath on the sin of those who would put their trust in Christ as savior and God. And somehow, I can know that, desire to honor Christ's great gift of love - salvation! - and still eat a bag of Doritos (doh!).
Now, blogging clearly isn't quite as important as things like loving people in practical ways, using my body as a gift from God, spending time in the Word and in prayer, getting chores done around the house, etc etc etc. I mean, really - the list just goes on and on of things that you have to do regularly in order to be a faithful steward of all that God has given you.
And yet, here I am, about to go into the 'woe is me' corner, and the Lord reminds me of the Gospel again. Yes, I should strive to be disciplined, but for those times that I am not disciplined, Christ has already forgiven me. I lead a life of grace, and so never have to go into the corner of despair, but can cry out to the Lord of Lords pleading for forgiveness and strength, and he promises to do just that! God reminds us that "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23.
Paul reminds us in Philippians 1:6 that, "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Praise God! He promises to give me new compassions each morning, that He is faithful, and that He will continue his good work of sanctification to completion! Even though I am a mess today, what with failed disciplines all over the place, I can trust that one day I will be brought to completion, never again forgetting a deadline, neglecting time with the Lord, or leaving the dishes in the sink so I can watch some silly program on TV.
By God's grace, I can rely on his daily mercies to continue growing in me that spirit of love, power, and self discipline, to do those things I know I ought, and not do those things I know I ought not.
And so, as I resume the discipline of writing in my blog (well, at least for today), I can pray that the Lord would grow me in power, love, and self control, so that I might seek His will over my own daily.
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